At Seeds Coaching my core philosophy is a commitment to helping individuals, couples and families in conflict heal their relationship pain and restore the love, respect and connection that has been painfully lost.
I believe that any relationship healing should begin with ourselves. If we understand ourselves, we are more at ease with ourselves; ultimately loving ourselves, and then our chances of connection with others improve significantly.
In order to focus on the self, the best place to start is your mind; and more specifically your thoughts. It's very true that your inner world becomes your outer reality. Whatever you tell yourself will become your truth.
With this as your starting point you can zero in on what your thoughts actually are. Put simply, your thoughts are the stories you tell yourself.
Why do we tell ourselves stories?
Your brain often needs to know answers to problems and circumstances. It wants to know outcomes so that it can feel secure in what your path will be in any given situation. Without knowing such answers, fear shows up - and then you'll probably get anxious.
Fear is worrying about the unknown and what may or may not happen. To protect and prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome, you'll tell yourself stories in order to feel safe. Rarely, if ever, does the worst case scenario ever happen!
Fear is also simply an unnamed anxiety. If you can name your anxiety, then it helps you be more calmer and rational in the way you act and react in life.
3 ways to combat your fears and stop telling yourself stories
1. Be aware of what the truth is - always.
The first step is awareness. Try to be aware of when you are making assumptions about yourself, about situations and about others. Remember, all judgment is self-judgment!
One great way to become aware is to ask yourself one simple question when you find yourself assuming or judging. This question is: do I really know this to be true? If you are telling yourself stories, then answer is to this question is always NO.
For example, let's assume you send a text to a friend you haven't seen in a while and they don't immediately respond. Two whole days pass and you start telling yourself stories. Maybe you're thinking they no longer like you? Or perhaps they've had an awful accident? Could it be that they've read your message, but feel you're not important enough for them to reply?
Now ask yourself the question; do I really know this to be true? The answer is of course NO.
2. What are you anxious about?
Remember that fear is simply and unnamed anxiety? If you can name your anxiety, then this will go a long way toward calming yourself and feeling clearer about what your actual reality is.
Using the text message example above, it might be that not receiving a reply makes you feel unimportant. It might be that you feel unloved or not heard. It could be that you feel rejected or ignored. Discovering what you are truly anxious about, and your feelings underneath that anxiety, will go a long way toward empowering you and helping you understand yourself better.
3. Feel those feelings!
However tough and uncomfortable this step may seem, it is really important! When you know what you are anxious about, and the feelings driving that anxiety, then you must feel those feelings. Your feelings don't go away unless you feel them - they just get stuck and suppressed, turning into patterns of behaviours that try the help you cope, but ultimately don't serve you.
The word "emotion" contains the word "motion". This is because we have to move through our emotions and experience them for us to process them and heal. Without doing this, it's hard for us to ever move forward.
And finally, with love
Today's newsletter has been sent to you with much love and I hope you find it helpful. If you do, why not share it with others? It feels good to spread some love, right?